What if?
There are so many events in life that take place and leave us questioning- questioning ourselves, others around us, circumstances, you name it- we question it.
I find myself wondering about the various possibilities and outcomes in life and sometimes it's fun, and other times a bit much.
About a week ago I had an opportunity to meet up with some old friends from high school pause - I can't believe that I'm at the stage in life when meeting up with friends from high school is actually a major event, like 10 years ago I would never use the phrase "10 years ago" I digress ...Anyhow, so here I am being invited to a reunion of sorts. Old friends, exes, crushes, I don't even talk to's..the works. Now I'm totally an introvert but I'm also outgoing, put that in a situation of meeting up with old friends and you're left with a belly full of butterflies and a mind racing to peice together questions that don't seem too far on the "oh my gosh, so how have you been" spectrum.
Girl, you look good
Now I'm usually pretty confident in my outfit choices, and as a new mom I often don't have to stray far from a tank top & some faded jeans (in the house of course). So as I was contemplating what to wear
I joked with my husband and asked him " what would you want to see your high school crush in?" He smiled but I think he sensed it was a trap and if he knew what was good for him he wouldn't answer right away- or at all (lol). He however encouraged me to wear something I felt good in, jeans, a nice shirt and some heels- so they can see you still keep yourself well, but without trying too hard. Unfortunately I live in Canada (I swear I love this country) but that weather is so unpredictable I didn't want to chance walking downtown Toronto in heels trying to be cute as it poured rain, hailed and then became sunny- it could happen ! I was right about one thing, it rained. So I decided to head to the mall and look for something, this is when my first "what if" arrived ..The cheaper items always seem to have less fabric - like can a modest girl get a full sized shirt for $10 or is the a crop top only thing? Annoying!
After I rushed to Forever21 and found a cute shirt I was set, as I had the other components to my outfit. I definitely wanted the "you look good" comments and the "wow, I can't believe you just had a baby" - what can I say, my ego has taken a hit post baby & yes, it's hungry 9/10.
The waiting game
Anytime I am going to meet up with people there are a few things I can expect..
Everyone will be late
I will be underdressed standing beside at least one person
Someone unexpected will go in for a hug
I will want to leave earlier than the rest.
I arrived right on time, actually- early. But I stayed in my car as the rain began to drift off and also because I knew no one would be there. When I arrived to the Restaurant (it felt like an upscale VIP lounge in a club) I saw an old friend who was coordinating the whole meet up. We greeted, made jokes and waited for everyone else. Once everyone else came we were headed for the bar (kill me now, lol) I don't drink so I just sipped some crandberry juice and waited for our table - after 2hrs of waiting, talking and trying my best not to enjoy the old school jams being played too much we were seated and eating (food was good).
The look
You ever catch someone starring at you when you aren't talking to them and their eyes are telling a story you don't want to read? Well that happened to me- an old friend from high school who made it clear he liked me was starring at me. And though I tried to play it cool I was thinking "can I help you? Flashes rock, discusses husband, shows picture of child - blah blah " lol I knew that when we saw each other it would be a teeensy wiiinnnsy bit awkward but his lingering gaze left me uneasy ..and that's where the what ifs came flooding in.
What if we dated in high school?
What if I wasn't married, would he try to ask me out?
What if I wasn't saved and I was half dressed like so many people in that restaurant?
What if I wasn't after a life of obedience to Christ, would these people still be my friends?
What if....
the blood of Jesus didn't cover my sins so the questions that tried to lurk in my head wouldn't be dismissed. I think my life would suck, maybe not so much from the outside - but on the inside. It's so easy to wish you had someone else's life until you see how they really live and you realize you were the one that was truly living. Im being honest I thought about the questions listed above and maybe a few more but I have no intentions on figuring out What If.
My identity is found in Christ so I shouldn't be concerned about the vanity in life, my hair looks perfect to him, clothes always on point, brows on fleek (even when they aren't), I don't need anything expect a heart after him- that is simply enough. I did have a great time catching up, but the best part was coming home and re-evaluating my blessings, the things I have not the things I want, the things that are present and not what "could be" because I could be doing a lot worse, and would be- if not for Jesus.
How do you overcome the "what ifs"?